OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
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