Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i would punch a child for taco bell
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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