New low: just hacked my moms facebook
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
