2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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