Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
