looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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