i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
