Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
