Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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