Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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