Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
