another moral hangover. fuck.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
