Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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