So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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