I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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