my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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