he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
