Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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