do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
