I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
