I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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