Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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