I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
