I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
