I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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