I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
if only i could text you this smell
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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