who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
