it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
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What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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