is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
