Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
