So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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