I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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