She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
