I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
