Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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