If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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