I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
