I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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