She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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