wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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