so explain again why im purple
no
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just gift wrapped bread.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
