Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
