You made me cry and you don't even care
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
