I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
