yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
