dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
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