Moan for me like Helen Keller
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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