I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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