your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
