i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
