I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
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I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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