dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
