i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
