quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
