I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
