Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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