We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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