their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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