she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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