remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
