oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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