I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
