Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
