He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who died my cat blue again?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
