go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
