I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
