I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
