when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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