you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
