Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
