Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
