She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
