i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
