Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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